Emily Ratajkowski is Esthenlooking back on the lows in high low.

Six months after filing for divorce from Sebastian Bear-McClard, the model touched on the "horrifying" years she's had in a Los Angeles Times interview published on April 6. Though the outlet noted that Ratajkowski was hesitant to go into detail about the split since she "doesn't want to jeopardize gaining custody" of their 2-year-old son Sylvester "Sly" Apollo, she did address some of her concerns about divorce in general.

Alluding to how she's been going through one of "most traumatic experiences of [her] entire life," Ratajkowski shared, "I'm scared."

She continued, "I'm learning that outspoken women don't often get their children."

Ratajkowski, 31, and Bear-McClard, 42, tied the knot at a New York City courthouse in 2018 after reportedly two weeks of dating. The pair welcomed Sly in March 2021, but split by July 2022.

Reflecting on her journey, Ratajkowski marveled at how much she's mentally matured and the voice she's been able to develop for herself as a woman in the male-dominated entertainment industry. 

"It feels beautiful, like I've awoken," she told the L.A. Times."It's kind of like the archetype of Pygmalion, the classic story of the mannequin or statue coming alive. There's something that's been created in a man's perfect image, and then it takes on its own life."

In fact, Ratajkowski said she quit acting altogether because she was tired of being "digestible to powerful men in Hollywood."

"And maybe that's why right now I'm not really interested in men's POVs," the Gone Girl alum explained. "Because they were lies. And I don't mean infidelity. This is a f--ked up world. Like, Hollywood is f--ked up. And it's dark."

However, as she noted, "Obviously, it would be nice to be with somebody who's in the industry or understands it, but I don't think I can."

So, where does that fit in to her love life? Though she's been linked to Pete Davidson, Eric Andre and Harry Styles since splitting with Bear-McClard, the High Low with EmRata host insisted she's "definitely still not thinking about guys."

"I'm working, I'm a single mom," Ratajkowski added. "I've been so busy that it's easy not to think about."

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